And While I Show Them, I'll Show Me

Sooner or later there comes a time in everyone’s life when they must get kicked out of the nest. Some people seem to swoop down gracefully then soar upwards into their future. Some of us need a greater kick than others. More like a shove. And even while the shoving is happening, we are digging our heels into the nest begging for just a bit more time under the wings of our parents, our professors, and the social expectations that come with being a student for the past 20-ish years of our lives. Then, for added pressure, some of us get kicked out of the nest and land in other countries, other continents.

In one month I’ll be moving to Tours, France to teach English to a bunch of French high school students – mon Dieu!

When I tell people about my post-grad plans the response is universal: “You must be so excited!” Then, my response is also universal, “Yes! I’m so excited, but SO nervous!”

I’m so nervous.

I’m terrified.

I liken myself to an exact 2021 replica of Julie Andrew’s character Maria from The Sound of Music when she leaves the comfort of the abbey to live with the Von Trapp family as a nanny. As she departs, Maria sings the song I Have Confidence,

“I’ve always longed for adventure, to do the things I’ve never dared. Now here I am facing adventure, then why am I so scared?”

The glamour of moving to another country is quickly wiped away when you begin cold-calling landlords in a foreign language and waiting for hours in a government building to apply for a VISA. Each day that passes is another day closer to the unknown. Each day is a day of fighting the doubts and the worries of what could be. The anxiety can freeze you up and force you to ask yourself, “What am I doing all this for?”

But thank God Julie Andrews finds a weird fountain with a horse during her journey out of town that makes her change her tone,

“I must dream of the things I am seeking

I am seeking the courage I lack

The courage to serve them with reliance

Face my mistakes without defiance

Show them I'm worthy

And while I show them

I'll show me!”

Some days I feel closer to this weird horse fountain than others. The thought of being independent in a completely new place, or growing my language skills – and obviously the promises of fine wine and cheese.

But what I like most about Maria/Julie is that she kinda tricks herself into excitement for the future. Although she really doesn’t have any clue what she’s walking into or how she’ll be received. She just decides to be confident.

So, here I go too, with my head held high. Even though this nest I’ve lived in my whole life is so cozy and safe, I know it’s time to depart. But, maybe as I leave the nest I don’t need to be kicked. Maybe I just need to take one big leap of faith.

And while I show all of you, I’ll show me too.

To watch the scene I'm talking about, click here.